One of the issues I am wrestling with in my personal life is living in a society that does not value truth. To be a “good friend,” some people expect you to tell them what they want to hear rather than the truth. I am not proposing that we all wield truth like a weapon and smash people over the head with it, but I do think that we do nobody a favor when we reinforce lies so they don’t have to deal with reality.
Truth in adoption is particularly important. When I first announced my plans to adopt a child, an adult adoptee gave me the following advice: Never lie to your adopted child, and always truthfully answer the question asked without volunteering additional information. She said that if I followed this advice, I would build trust with my adopted child and would enable him to set the pace for what he was ready to process. I have followed this advice, and at age 12, my son trusts me and feels comfortable talking with me about pretty much anything.
My adopted child has had to face some difficult truths in his young life. The most difficult truth he has had to process is that his birthmother passed away when he was five years old.